The final rule I bring up here is one dear to my heart. I do not know what to call it, but maybe when I am done you will give a name for what I refer to. There is a beautiful story in the good book found in Isaiah 5: 1-2. Though with a sad ending, it carried great meaning for the point I raise here. The owner of the garden, who cultivates it and manures it with great care, and then later does the weeding, does all these with a great expectation that the garden will yield a great harvest. There is thus a natural law set forth that when you plant in good grounds; you reap a good reward for your labor. A woman therefore is like a garden. Whatever you plant is exactly what you will reap from her. This is why God sang that song in the story showing how He had invested so much into the vineyard and expected a reward from it. So this rule simply tries to explain that as a man, you must be able be a capable cultivator of a garden. You must be able to see what kind of ground you are standing on, and what kinds of plants will flourish thereon. This way, you will provoke an unprecedented harvest from the woman you cultivate.

The next rule of engagement I would introduce here is something very new. This was inspired in my heart by critical observation of the goings of young men, especially as they battle for relevance in demanding society. It is called the Law of Equation. In mathematics we say an equation is a statement that two expressions are equal. By using an equal sign, it informs that what is on the left side of the sign is of the same numerical value to what is on the right side of the sign. I simply adapt this law to two part of the male life in society: inner expression and outward expression. The inner expressions are those things that flow from the inside of a man. Things such as his speech, his reasoning, his decisions, his choices, and his values are all representative of the internal configuration of a man. The outer expression consists of all a man does to showcase his body. His wears and gears (Baffs like we would say in Nigeria), his machines and his crib. All this make a statement about the taste and preferences of such an individual.

The second rule here calmness and confidence. Have you seen a fretting man who has lost his confidence? There is nothing as pitiful as that. Calmness and confidence exudes strength that is unspoken and that has a powerful effect on your environment. Growing up as a kid amidst a lot of women I was never calm. I always had something to say and a comment to make all the time to the point that my mouth was extremely watery. You have heard that it is said: “Empty barrels make the most noise.” This is so true in the life of a man, as a woman will find it hard to relate to a noisy man that is devoid of calmness. I have often seen and met guys who talk all the time and use bogus language and curse words, but a closer assessment reveals utter vanity in thought; absolutely no depth. Every woman wants their man to be calm as this shows control. Not just calmness, but also confidence which is an internal assurance based on knowledge of who you are and where you are going. Confidence makes your countenance to exude an unusual boldness that points to your internal health. A man who is not confident simply shows that the inside is in trouble and his thoughts are not coordinated neither is he in assured of a life direction. So here is it, confidence is the root, while calmness is the fruit. Confidence produces calmness. When a confident man comes into a place, he doesn’t strive to be heard because he knows his onions. I like the way the Great Book puts it: “…in quietness and in confidence shall be your strength…” (Isaiah 30:15). Somehow, when we see a man who is calm and confident, we associate that person with much power, sometimes more than necessary. This is because some air of mystery surrounds that one and it will take a level of curiosity to open the box. And I cannot say this too much: women are curious. They want to know that their man has something unknown about him. They love it when they step into a place with their man and he remains confident and calm. So this rule says to engage a woman, be calm and confident.

Now I turn attention to my brothers whom I have ignored in my previous commentaries. If I felt less qualified to write to the female-folk, I am at home talking more now, since something in me resonates with something in my focus audience. This resonation plays not along the lines of the typical, but on deeper issues we seem to have abandoned for a more worldly perspective to our views on relating with the opposite sex. We men have been so celebrated out of reality that we seem to already be imbued with the inner ability to deal with women right from birth. It may amaze you that a boy child at the terrible-two age may already show signs of masculine megalomania when relating to mummy or some other species of humans. This psychological state of illusionary or delusions of masculine grandeur play out when little boys try to manipulate their way through mummy’s heart. Or sometimes when they begin flexing muscles and bullying even their older sisters, we smile at this and praise their rapid growth. A pastor once said he saw his two year old son squeezing his five year old daughter. He ran to her rescue and corrected the little boy. But when he walked away, he did the victory hand thing saying “yep! That’s my boy!” Silently, we love to see young boys growing up strong and exerting such energies on their environment including a display on their relationships.

There are certain plants that you could plant anywhere and they will grow. Take the cactus plant and put it in an arid and harsh region, it will grow. Put it in fertile soil it will grow. That’s how it is made. But there are other plants that will simply not grow except they are found in the right environmental conditions. What am I saying? Location is so extremely important that if you are displaced, you may get disgraced (..I like that). In whatever you do, you must strive to be at the right place at the right time. This is something that no one can explain better to you, as I found out that we all know at every point in time where we ought to be and anything other than that is a willful refusal to do the right. Some people are “lonely Londoners” and go solo, yet they expect to meet someone Joke? Location-wise, you are in an island, and will only encounter creeping and creepy creatures. You need to come out of your walled life and interact with people on a regular basis. We were created relational beings and we function maximally that way. Whatever situation you had faced before; because you don’t want to get hurt again, is no good reason to separate from people. You will allow yourself fall into imaginations that warp your thoughts and further deepen the hole of your disenchantments.

A while ago I was burdened by an issue and was hard pressed to write on it. I titled that article "Where are the good men?" because there seems to be a silent question in many hearts these days on why there's a sudden disappearance of good men. Whether there's a disappearance or a drastic reduction, either still spells a major concern not just for young women who are at the threshold of making key decisions about a lifelong commitment, but also for those of us who are interested in the social impacts of the family. While I tried to refute the fallacy that pervades society that good men are dwindling in numbers, I also attempted at excavating the origins of a warp consciousness of societal values, because this helps us understand at what point the disconnect happened. If we are going to recover what is lost, we need to know at what point we lost it. I ended on the point that we cannot build our expectations on fallacies that are not provable, and we cannot allow the negative to guide the ascension of truth in our hearts. In that light I promised to share on how one can find a good man since they not only exist, but abound. Therefore the central thesis of this discourse is that you can find your good man and I offer some advice on this matter (sounds professorial I know....lol)