Jesus says, “don’t you ever be afraid, but only believe!”

Though the situation is dead and everyone mourns the loss,

listen to the voice of the Master saying,

“it’s not the end, it’s just a bend!”

Though everyone has given up and hope is laughed to scorn, yet the situation will live again, only if Jesus is given a chance and a free hand

“Talitha cumi”, He says

Only you believe and not be afraid

For with Jesus’ touch and at His Word

The situation will live yet once more.

Swing low, sweet chariot! Coming forth to carry me home;

Swing low, sweet chariot! Coming forth to carry me home

Christine skipped merrily from her Sunday school class. Today she had accepted Jesus as her personal Lord and savior and in her little heart she was so overjoyed. Her Sunday school teacher, auntie Banke, her mother’s best friend had been to one to lead her to Jesus. She said He would wash her and make her white as snow and that he loved her forever and ever. But the most important thing of all was that she would go to heaven if she continued to be a good girl.

“I will tell mummy so that she can accept him too.” It felt as if God had placed it in her heart to do just that.

She stood for a while and scanned the park for her mom’s car. Her mom did not come to church with her. She never did. Every time she asked her she’d say “Oh baby, you know mummy is busy. But I promise to come soon.” She stood as if deep in thought for a while. Then she saw her car as she drove up to the church.

She ran to the car just as Chioma got out and opened her arms wide.

“Hi angel, how are you doing?” Chioma asked as she swooped the one thing that gave her life meaning into her warm embrace.

“Hi mummy, you are squeezing me too tight oh.” She laughed and kissed her mother.

“So how was Sunday school? Did you do anything new?” Chioma asked as she fastened her seat belt for her child once they were settled in the car.

“Mummy, Aunty Banke taught us a new song. Should I sing it for you?” she did not wait for her mother’s reply but plunged right into the song.

Swing low, sweet chariot! Coming forth to carry me home;

Swing lo-o-w, sweet chariot! Coming forth to carry me home

When she was through, Chioma whooped in excitement. “My baby is a singing star oh!” and Christine beamed with pleasure.

“I also accepted Jesus into my heart. Auntie Banke says I can now go to heaven when Jesus comes.” She said in a very ecstatic voice all the time looking out for her mother’s reaction.

“Really? So what do you want to have for lunch?” she asked uninterested in what she had just heard.

Christine’s face fell and her voice dropped. So did all the excitement in it. She was silent for the better part of the journey and even when Chioma tried to crack a few jokes she did not laugh

Chioma noticed her silence but said nothing more till they got to the house.

‘Mama,’ she called her fondly, ‘what’s the matter?’ she asked once they were indoors.

Christine was reluctant to speak and Chioma decided to push harder. ‘Sweetheart, talk to mummy, hmm?’

Christine looked at her for a while as if she was trying to find the right words.

‘Mummy, do you hate Jesus?’

Chioma was taken back for a while. It was now her turn to search for the right words.

‘Christine, it’s not like I hate Jesus. It’s just complicated, ok? I promise that one day when you are older, I will explain it to you’.

‘But mummy, Auntie Banke said that if we do not love Jesus, we won’t go to heaven and I want you to go to heaven with me.’

‘Is that what she said? Don’t worry; we will go to heaven together.”

‘Do you promise mummy?’

‘I promise baby.’

‘Do you also promise to accept him? Because he is in my heart and I want him to be in yours’ too.’

‘We will see about that.’ She smiled. ‘Why don’t you go and change and come and help me in the kitchen. What do you want to eat?’

‘Fried rice and chicken.’ Christine replied, her mood coming back to normal.

Chioma laughed. ‘Okay oh. Go and change so that you can help me cook the rice and chicken okay?

‘Yes mummy.’ And she hurried to her room leaving her mother with a bittersweet smile on her face.

TWO WEEKS LATER

‘Mama, what’s wrong? You are not looking so happy. Are you okay? Do you feel sick? What is the matter?’ Banke asked as she fussed over Christine who had a very sordid look on her face.

‘Nothing.’

‘Nothing? Haba mama, you can talk to me now. C’mon, don’t be shy. Did your mummy upset you at home?

Christine looked at her and burst into tears. Banke was taken aback. Christine didn’t cry often but when she did it meant someone had offended her badly.

‘Auntie Banke, my mummy does not want Jesus.’ Banke stared at the child. She had not quite witnessed anything like this before.

‘Christine, come here…’ She said, her heart heavy with sadness at what the little girl was going through. When Christine walked into her hands, she held her close and began to comfort her. ‘Your mommy wants Jesus baby, she’s just not ready yet.’

‘But Auntie, I want her to go to heaven with me. I don’t want to go alone. Jesus won’t be happy.’

Banke smiled. ‘Christine, stop talking rubbish. Your mum will go to heaven long before you do ok? You on the other hand still have a lot of time to grow up and do a lot of fun things before you go and meet Jesus.’

‘But Auntie there is no time, Jesus can come and take me anytime and my mummy will not follow me. I want my mommy to follow me to heaven. Jesus wants to see her. She promised me that she will tell Jesus to come and live in her heart but every day when I ask her just says ‘We will see.’ And there is no time again oh!’

Banke laughed a little but Christine’s stern and determined face made her stop almost as soon as she started. ‘Father,’ she prayed silently in her heart ‘Christine loves you and wants to serve you, give her the strength to carry on with the things that concern you. And concerning her mother, give her the grace to understand how these things work and give Chioma the strength to forgive Dare and to stop being bitter towards you, Amen.’

‘Amen.’ Christine said.

‘What did you say?’ Banke asked, astonished.

‘I felt you praying in your mind. So when you finished, I said amen. I want to drink water.’

With that she stood and left, Banke watched her go, speechless.

 TWELVE DAYS LATER

‘Chioma, I think you should seriously consider what Christine is saying. You can’t continue like this now. She hasn’t been happy for some time now and I don’t like it. It hurts to see her like that. This is the first time in almost two weeks that she is really getting a hold of herself. Why don’t you consider what she has said?

Remember in school, you were the one always chasing me about to accept Christ and now that I have, you have let him go. It’s not good oh.’ Banke said as she related her discussion with Christine to Chioma the previous week as they talked in Christine’s office.

‘Banke, you talk like you don’t remember what happened to me then. When I sleep, all I dream about is the hurt and disgrace that Dare brought to me. And where was God then? As we speak, Dare is still living his life normally; I am the one with the child and I am the one that is still being looked down upon. Just once! Only once Banke and I got pregnant. Where is God now?

The very people I called my family in God, in Christ all deserted me when I needed them the most and you come here to preach forgiveness? Why didn’t they forgive me first? Or are they above it? I loved God, I served him with all my heart but I don’t think I deserved to suffer the way I did in the hands of my so called ‘Christian brothers and sisters, so please don’t even give me all that pious bullshit.’ She hissed.

‘But Chioma, that was over five years ago, surely you should be over that now. And have you ever thought of Christine in all of this? For the past two weeks I have been having this feeling in my spirit that something is about to happen, I can’t explain it but its grieving me. It’s like I keep hearing Christine calling out to me. I can’t explain it Chioma but I am here to plead with you. Christine’s accepting Christ now is a dream come true for any Christian mother. You can guide her better because her spirit man has already made a connection with the heavenly realm. You do not understand the things God has in store for her and if you are not connected with God, how do you expect to help her reach the destination God has for her?’

‘Banke, Christine is my life. I will do anything for her. But as for this God business, I am not sure if I can handle it right now. There are a lot more important things on my mind. And if she has decided to follow God, I have no reservations because at the end of the day, it’s her choice and I want to give her the opportunity to make her own decisions and bear the consequences.

When she is old enough, I will explain what happened between her father and I. I know she will understand why I feel so reluctant now. But I will never refute her decision to follow God. If it’s her destiny and it works out well for her, good luck to her. I will guide her as far as she allows me. You were the one that led her to Christ, you can take responsibility for her spiritual upbringing; she is as much your daughter as she is mine, being your God-daughter.’ Chioma said with a tone of finality in her voice.

‘Chioma, when you had Christ, I was a little jealous of you back then because I felt I could never be like you. I felt I couldn’t because I felt bitter towards God for allowing me to go through hell as a child. But when I accepted him, I knew I could understand the way you felt then.

So, I am going to plead with you that if ever you remember how glorious it felt then. How satisfied and fulfilled you felt then; that you come back to him. He is willing to accept you. When you feel God deserted you, think well about it. It could have been worse but you lacked nothing. And Dare is not a reason for you to hate men. You should seriously consider settling down.

Just don’t forget that you are God’s righteousness in Christ. God loves you still. There is still time and you can still answer to Christine’s call before it is too late.’ Banke picked up her bag and left the office.

TWO DAYS LATER

Christine felt giddy. She had been feeling that way the past two days. Today at Sunday school, Auntie Banke had taught them about how Jesus went about performing miracles. But her best story of all was when he had raised the daughter of the synagogue’s leader from the dead. “He was so powerful and strong” she thought. She skipped from her class merrily toward the car park to scan for her mother’s car. It was while she stood there that she felt something. It was like her heart had skipped a beat and she felt a tightness around her heart. She bent over to gasp for air. She gulped a mouthful and looked up. She saw her mother’s car come to a halt a distance away from her. She gathered her strength and clutched her children’s bible tightly as if for support, she began to walk towards the

Swing low, sweet chariot! Coming forth to carry me home

The voice was very clear and distinct. Like it was carrying a message and wanted to be heard. It was gentle yet firm and kept repeating the song over and over. Chioma turned towards the voice and kept walking. Sometimes, it seemed to fade away or she would start running towards it only to hear it coming from another direction. She was becoming tired; “Hello!” she called out loudly into the oblivion but didn’t get any answer. She turned around and looked straight ahead of her only to see a child. The child waved at her, turned and started running. She forgot how tired she was and began to run after the child into the nothingness. Suddenly out of nowhere came a bright light into which the child ran.

Then she heard the song again but this time with laughter. It seemed to be coming from the light. Chioma gathered speed and ran towards it. She did not understand why but it seemed as though all her answers lay in the light. After a few minutes, she reached it and saw little children dressed in white laughing. Then they all kept quiet and the little girl in the middle began to sing;

Swing low, sweet chariot! Coming forth to carry me home;

Swing low, sweet chariot! Coming forth to carry me home

Chioma began to move towards he child. There was something about the song, something familiar. The child was sitting with her back turned and as Chioma got nearer, she began to feel afraid. Part of her wanted to go back but it seemed as though an invisible force kept pushing her towards the child.

Finally, when she was close enough, she took a deep breath and placed her right hand on the child’s shoulder. The child stopped singing and turned…

“CHRISTINE!” Chioma screamed as she woke up with a start. It was 2.45am.

“Pastor, you don’t understand. I can’t sleep at night.” Chioma explained.

“Sister Chioma, I really don’t understand what you are saying. Perhaps if you explained the whole issue from the beginning I might be able to understand better. But first, you really need to calm down. Just take a deep breath and start from the very beginning. Can you do that?” Pastor Emeka asked her, a worried frown gracing his forehead.

Chioma nodded her head and recounted the entire story from the beginning.

“Hmmm, this is serious but there is nothing impossible for God to handle. So, don’t be afraid. Ok?”

She dabbed her eyes with her handkerchief as the Pastor comforted her. He waited for her to regain her composure while he tried to make sense of all she had said.

“You say you hear a song, right? And when you touch the child, she stops singing and turns?”

Chioma nodded her head twice in answer to both questions.

“This child, do you know who she is?”

Chioma looked at him and burst into fresh tears. “Please Chioma; try not to upset yourself so much.”

“I’m sorry Pastor. It’s just so hard. Yes, I know the child. It’s Christine, my daughter”.

“Your daughter”?

“Yes pastor. But she died three months ago.”

SIX YEARS AGO…

“Chioma baby, how are you? What’s happening and where are you off to?” Mabel asked her roommate as she sat on her bed and began taking off her shoes.

“Welcome Mabel, how were your lectures today?”  Chioma asked as she picked up her handbag and began putting her things inside.

“It was ok, we thank God it’s over for today. I’m glad the weekend is here. You still haven’t told me where you are off to?”

“Oh I’m sorry, I am off to Dare’s house. We will be attending the vigil at the fellowship. Are you going to come? It’ll be a great night!”

“No thanks Chy, exams are coming soon and I just want to rest so that I can start to read for them in earnest. This is our final year exam, you know.”

“Yeah, I know. But we still have to make out small time for God abi? Anyhow, I understand your situation, girlfriend. And I also wish I could stay back and read like you but you know how religious Dare is. I’m not even ready to look for trouble this night.” Chioma laughed.

“I envy you sometimes oh. To have a guy as caring and loving as Dare, not to mention his devotion to God. I wish I had someone to ginger me spiritually the way Dare does for you.” Mabel added.

“I return all the praise to God”. She picked up her bag and headed towards the door. “Well, I have to be on my way now. I cooked dinner so you guys should help yourself with some. But don’t finish it all oh. I will be hungry when I return, ok?”

“Yippee! Thanks Chy, you’re a blessing. Go well oh. And ensure you pray for us.”

“Ok oh.” Chioma waved and left the room.

DARE’S HOUSE

The room was tastefully furnished. Everything about it testified that the owner was indeed no “small boy” on campus. The leather chairs and 21″flat screen television exuded a class of the “happening boys” on campus.

Dare was seated on one of the chairs, a pack of chivita fruit juice placed in front of him and the remote control in his right hand when he heard her knock.

“Yes, who is there?” he asked

“Chioma!” was the short reply.

He stood up and strode towards the door opened it and let her in.

“Honey, you are not yet dressed for the vigil? I was rushing so you wouldn’t accuse me of being late.” Chioma said as she stepped into the house.

“Is that how to greet the love of your life?” Dare asked in a very seductive manner as he slipped his hands round her waist and drew her closer.

Chioma laughed and planted a full kiss on his lips. “Hi you…” she whispered. They basked in the warm embrace of togetherness for a while till Chioma reminded him about the vigil with a smile.

Dare held her more closely. “I think I’ll pass for tonight.” He said in a low voice.

Chioma looked at him, surprise and worry written all over her face. “Why? Are you alright? Do you feel sick? What happened?” she began fussing all over him.

He took her hands and planted a kiss on her forehead. “I’m fine love. Don’t worry about me. I’m just not cut out for the vigil tonight. Ok?” he lifted her chin with his fingers, “Smile for me…” And she did.

He led her to a seat where she made herself comfortable. “If we are not going for the vigil, what are we going to be doing?” she asked

Dare grinned at her, “Well, this…” He began kissing her passionately. She responded for a while but turned her face away when his hand began to slip under her shirt.

“What is wrong?” he asked.

She smiled at him. “Nothing is wrong. The kiss was beginning to make me uncomfortable. We have never kissed that way before.”

“So what?” he asked in a firm but gentle voice.

“Well, I don’t want us to put ourselves in any unnecessary trouble”. She stammered.

“Trouble like what?” he asked, yet again.

“I don’t know. I mean this is how it starts and then we might be indulging in fornication or some other sexual sin. You also know where we stand on that issue.”

“Chioma, look at me”

She did. Not breaking the connection he had with her eyes, he went on. “We have been dating for almost three years now. And we have been through different ups and downs. Have I ever left you in any of those circumstances?”

She shook her head and he continued “Marriage is a thing of the mind. I don’t have to physically place a ring on your finger to prove that you are mine. Everyone on this campus knows that we are going to get married in the coming year by God’s grace. So technically, we would be doing nothing wrong if we decide to do this now. Really, it will be ok.” He cajoled her softly.

“But Dare, you know it is my utmost desire that I enter your home pure. Besides, if we have sex now, it changes everything. You won’t see me in the same way.” She tried to reason.

He laughed a deep throated laugh. “Baby, we won’t be having sex, we would be making love and there is a whole world of difference between the two. Don’t be so naïve. This won’t change anything at all. It will draw us closer to each other.”

“But what would people say? We are mentors to a lot of young men and women, how do we explain that we consummated our marriage even before it started? How…”

“Shhhh…” he chided “Are you going to tell anyone? I can keep my mouth shut. This is strictly our business; no one has to know anything. And who told you that a lot of great pastors didn’t do it before their marriage? Yet they came out successful in their various fields.”

“But Dare…” He cut her short with a kiss and in her mind she thought about it for a while.

“If this is what he really wants then I should give it to him. After all, they say if you deny your man, he might go somewhere else to get it. I don’t want that! Dare and I have come too far to have someone else take him from me. And really, no one has to know, it will be our little secret.”

She thought silently while trying to fight him off but on coming to that conclusion she gave in.

With his lips never parting from hers for a second, he carried her into his room…

FIVE WEEKS LATER

“Chioma, sorry oh! Maybe you ate something bad and hence the vomiting. Ndo oh! Let me get you some water to rinse your mouth.” Mabel hurried into the room to get a cup of water.

“Chy, pele oh. It’s so unlike you to be sick. You know what? Let me take you to the hospital.” Her other roommate and friend, Banke offered.

“No thanks Bk, I will manage for today but if it persists, I will go to the doctor’s place okay? Seriously, don’t disturb your pretty head about it.” Chioma forced on a smile. She still felt very crappy and the vomiting had been going on for a while now.

“Well, I offered and you said no oh!” Banke said

“She said no to what?” Mabel asked as she brought the cup of water.

“I offered to take her to the hospital and she refused.” Banke reported.

“No oh! Chy, you are going to the hospital oh. You are not permitted to have a choice in this matter.”

“But you guys, I still believe that I will get healed very soon. God is still a great healer. I believe he is working on my situation even as we speak.”

Banke cut her short. “Blah blah blah, we have heard all that God thing before and hello! I’ve not seen any change yet. So if you ask me, I believe doctors can still work magic, that’s what they are trained.”

Chioma and Mabel stared at her quizzically. “Hmm, typical Banke!” Mabel retorted.

“What? It’s true. You know I’m not cut out for this entire God thing.” She said with a careless shrugging of her shoulders. “Oya babe, let’s roll!!” she said to Chioma.

“That afternoon, was the worst day of my life. I could not do anything or say anything because I was so confused. It was like my entire life came crashing in one split second.” Chioma sighed.

“So what happened? Did you tell Dare? What was his reaction?” Pastor Emeka asked

“I told him and he flipped. He said he didn’t know what I was talking about and