While we have succeeded in expanding the possibilities of our relationships and involvements, still we run the risk of falling into the treadmill dynamic. It seems we are running very fast in a particular direction, burning some much web energy but remaining in the same location. My point is that there is just so much connecting going on, but very little strategic partnerships.

Father Benedict Grimm pulled aside the embroidered scarlet curtain, and stepped into Umuofia’s atmospheric weave of dust and gentle breeze – sighing as he closed the door of the confessional. His heart was weary from the weight of hearing too many of fallen man’s numerous foibles. Only midday, he was drained – cursing the day God had created the pitiful tyranny of sweat and bones he called man. Only that day, he had listened through the latticed grating to a husky man grouchily tell of how he slaughtered his wife for smiling with a younger lad, who wooingly told her jokes.
'I did it', he had said in Igbo, 'with my dinner spoon'.
Father Ben, seventy-one, could see his bloodshot eyes seething with canine rage like a Freudian cauldron of mysteries. Another woman jealously stuffed the toddling son of her husband’s senior wife with pap, triggering a deathly convulsion. The other day, in a feyly sordid re-enactment of the biblical story of vengeance, a prostitute was stoned with rocks, and left to die at the town cemetery. Why? Why this bloody coup on the conscience? Why create raging emotions in the breast of fallen angels with clipped wings? Why suffer this wretchedness? His questions weren’t rhetorical. If a God surfing in the seventh heaven did not hear him, his fading mortality did; and every day, for 24 years in the Nigerian village he made his home – far away from the port of Leith in Scotland, when he asked these questions with richer, perplexing intensity, his body ached. He was dying – with every pain in his chest, with every Trojan vein that was not there before on his trembling hands...

What would you say of a man and his wife, considering divorce because of an argument? Let me add a little perspective to the question – the bone of contention is ‘how the toothpaste should be used”, the man argues that “it must be used pressing the base of the tube instead of anywhere on the tube” while the woman says, “what difference does it make it’s just toothpaste, the end is getting it out of the tube, how we do that is entirely up to you and me as individuals.” On this grounds both parties consider themselves incompatible, hence the marriage is best nullified. Can that guy or lady be ever compatible with anyone?
Consider that one of these folks has to serve in a public office or a position to influence people and they still have this kind of mentality, what kind of influence will they have on the people they are leading, other than setting precedents for rivalry, division and contention, because they have no understanding of personal differences and how to manage inter-personal relationships.
Think of the man who says, “I love my wife and I beat her up any time she goes wrong because I love her, if I don’t do that she’ll no get how important so things are” what kind of love is this? I believe love without respect is ‘no-love’; this kind of man tends to see the woman beneath him and considers what “of what good is she than take care of the home and the children” hence when he meets other women folk in more organized environments he either has problem with them based on basis of ‘why they should be working in such environment’, and others tend ‘to compare their wives to the women they meet at work, hence they are never satisfied with what the woman does at home’.

The Kennedy Family is considered to be one of the most politically influential family in the United States, the family is not only influential, every member of that family who had the privilege to serve in the US government served with dignity and contributed immensely to the development of the American People. In memory of Ted Kennedy – a prominent member of this great family, who recently passed on, after the 1980 failed attempt for the White House, in his conceding speech, he said, “…For all those whose cares have been our concern, the work goes on, the cause endures, the hope still lives, and the dream shall never die.” And after being an avid supporter of the then Senator Barak Obama’s bid for the White House, in their party’s 2008 Convention, his speech closed with this remark, “The work begins anew. The hope rises again. And the dream lives on.” Till the time of his death he was committed to what’s best for the American people, something passed down to him by his father and his older brother.

These are some of the thoughts of my mind on the purpose and power of the family; it’s been a while now since it’s come to my mind to write something like this, though in the scheme of things I might not be the right man to speak on issues like this, or the qualification in terms of experience is not on my side but by privilege I have rubbed minds with the all wise one on issues like this one to understand his original purpose for establishing the world acclaimed smallest institution – the family.
LONGMAN Dictionary of Contemporary English (LDCE) defines the family as “a closely related group – a group of people who are related to each other, especially a mother, a father and their children.” In elementary school, we were taught that “the family is the smallest unit in the society, consisting of father, mother and children related by blood” – what an innocent definition, not introducing little ones to the idea of divorce and remarriage, concepts that disproves the latter part of the definition.
Institution as defined in the LDCE is “an important system of organization that has existed for a long time.” This is true of the family; it is one of the world’s longest standing institutions in the world. Institutions provide an organized system of doing things in the society. My assumptions are if the family got the purpose of its establishment, other institutions in the society like the Presidency, Judiciary, State Executives, Local Councils, Legislatures at all levels, Social and Corporate services with get their bearings on doing what they do to benefit the people they serve and not the few members of these institutions and many more.

We see that after the much drama that took place in Egypt, Pharaoh eventually released the Israelites to begin their uncertain journey, of which even Moses did not know the route. He kept on telling Pharaoh that God wanted His children to go and sacrifice to Him in the wilderness, a case that the Bible didn’t mention in Moses’ several conversations with God. Moses got a release order with a cloud of uncertainty as to the real direction he was to lead the multitude through. However, he didn’t have much to worry about, as the one who had performed extreme signs was capable of leading them out and taking them into their promised land. I can imagine the air of discomfort that hovered over Moses every time he went to his kinsmen and boasted that there was a promised land which would be their final destination. Did someone ever ask him for a map of the route they were going to take? Did people ever wonder where he appeared from forty years after he disappeared from Egypt with no clues to his whereabouts? Let’s face it! It surely was not that easy for Moses to wake up and stand before a people who had known no other place other than Egypt for over 400 hundred years. To convince them that they would have to leave their present zone, no matter how uncomfortable it was, to move to a location he called the Promised Land was a tough task. Moses Himself had never been to the place, neither anyone he was leading. So he not only had to lead the people, he had to lead himself.
Fast forward. They are now exited from bondage and breathe the air of freedom. They are not just laden with their properties, but with much wealth as God had promised. Now was the important task of where to go and what direction was the course. The story clearly tells us that God did not lead them through the shortest distance to the Promised Land; a route that ran through the territory of the Philistines, a belligerent people. He directs them instead towards the Red Sea.

Let me share with you something that points to your worth. When I discovered this, it made me know the value that God placed on the female gender. I said to myself, God, you mean the woman is worth this much to you! Yes, woman, you are worth that much to God. Do I hear you say how much? Well, you are worth so much to God that He made you part of His ministry. I have proofs to support this and I will be sharing them with you but first let’s look at the last words of Jesus. First, when Jesus prayed for His disciples before He went to the cross, He said: I have glorified You on the earth. I have finished the work which You have given Me to do. (John 17:4, NKJV, emphasis mine) Then two chapters later while on the cross just before He died, He said: "…It is finished!" And bowing His head, He gave up His spirit. (John 19:30, NKJV, emphasis mine) In the first scripture, Jesus said He had finished the work God gave Him to do and in the second scripture, to prove that He had indeed finished the work, He did not give up His spirit until He openly declared to every one that indeed, it was finished. What was finished? His work was finished – His ministry was finished; for him to finish His ministry, it means He had done all that God wanted Him to do and that included a ministry to you. Throughout His earthy ministry, Jesus was in touch with women. Right from the very first public act of His ministry to the last day, on which He died on the cross, He was in touch with women. The first act in His public ministry was to turn water to wine at a wedding. In many cultures, it is not uncommon to hear the wedding referred to as the bride’s day. We can then safely say that Jesus’ very first act in public ministry was to provide the best wine at a woman’s event. Just think about it: Jesus started out by making a woman’s day! Her greatest day in fact! I wonder how that woman would have felt if she knew what Jesus had done for her and her husband on their wedding day– what a gift! If she knew, I wonder how she would have felt seeing Jesus on the cross the day he died. I hear her saying something like this Man made my day on my wedding day. I see the warm tears running slowly down her cheeks as she yearns just to kiss His feet and look into His blood-covered eyes to tell Him thank you for the wine the other day.

About a year ago, I met someone who really blew my mind away. I thought I had seen all the wonders of God but after I met this person, I knew I was far from the truth. The entrance of this person into my life made me realize that there was much more in store for me than all I had seen so far. My meeting this person wasn’t heralded by any thundering in the clouds or flash of bright blinding light accompanied by a baritone voice that pierced through every part of me - far from it. It was like every other day - beautiful clouds above, chirping birds, friends giggling, and trees swaying to the sweetness of the noonday breeze. Then it happened. She just walked out of nowhere and came right up to me. Before she even spoke a word, my ears were filled with melody of the essence of her beauty. Her hair flowed down her heavenly carved neck like a peaceful waterfall cascading down a mountain. Her eyes glowed with the kind of brightness that could light any gloomy day. Her steps were stately like it had been choreographed for years. Her smile spoke of her innocence. Her lips were like a thread of scarlet perfectly woven. Her two breasts were like two young roes that are twins, which fed among the lilies. All of her detail proved beyond a doubt that God had spent a lot more time in making her. Her beauty without was all fair - without a spot. Then she spoke and in that instant I knew she was beautiful without and within for her speech was comely. She was a true daughter of Zion - the pride of her Creator. At this point I knew I was favoured for she reached out her hands to take mine.

As I faced my maker at the last judgment, I knelt before the lord along with all the other souls, before each of us laid our lives like the squares of a quilt in many piles. An Angel sat before each of us sewing our quilt squares together into a tapestry that is our life. But as my angel took each piece of cloth off the pile, I noticed how ragged and empty each of my squares was. They were filled with giant holes, each square was labeled with a part of my life that had been difficult, the challenges and temptations I was faced with in everyday life. I saw hardship that I endured, which were the largest holes of all. I glanced around me, nobody else had such squares. Other than a tiny hole here and there, the other tapestries were filled with rich color and the bright hues of worldly fortune. I gazed upon my own life and was disheartened. My angel was sewing the ragged pieces of cloth together, threadbare and empty, like binding air. Finally the time came when each life was to be displayed, held up to the light, the scrutiny of truth. The others rose, each in turn, holding up their tapestries. So filled their lives had been. My angel looked upon me, and nodded for me to rise. My gaze dropped to the ground in shame. I hadn’t had all the earthly fortunes. I had love in my life, and laughter, but there had also been trials of illness, and death, and false accusations that took from me my world, as I knew it.

I’ll never claim any mastery in this subject, because I’m not a psychologist. I'm just naturally inquisitive; I want to know, I seek understanding in all possible ways, and with an analytical mind. I'm tempted to always analyze life, circumstances and issues that border on our existence as humans and how we relate with our environment. This has brought me into considering, asking questions and seeking to know what there is to know about guys and ladies, to understand how ladies see guys and how guys see ladies. These views are not absolute because there is more to the world of guys and ladies than meets the eye. As opposed to surveys, books, information from experts in fields that study human behavior – I understand as a result of thinking and deep insights, so I write. I am absolutely open to debate, but do not forget the facts stated in the main body of the text, because they'll make for a better society, because the foundation of our society is the family. I understand from the writings in the Preacher that, "There be three things which are too wonderful for me, yea, four which I know not: ...and the way of a man with a maiden." The way of a man with a maiden, deep! Though wonderful, the wise man cannot figure it out; he still finds it difficult to comprehend the totality of the concept – “the way of a man with a maiden”. The feeling is not strange, it's normal; it is a mystery. The concept of love between two different individuals could just be too bizarre, to think of demystifying it or explaining it. But it happens and one thing leads to another and the two find themselves joined for life! Interesting. From relating with both guys and ladies over the years, I’ve come the understanding that there's a very big gulf between the thinking patterns of a guy and that of a lady. Their likes and dislikes never match, but still something happens and they start liking each other, then interest sets in, then it goes on and on from there. Can someone please explain how this happens or what the secret behind this phenomenon is? How two individuals with varying lifestyles just come to love themselves and this love grows so strong that it seems like a blood connection, even before marriage? “The way of a man with a maiden!”