Personality:
11. Don’t compare your life to others’. You have no idea what their journey is all about.
12. Don’t have negative thoughts or things you cannot control.
Instead invest your energy in the positive present moment.
13. Don’t over do ; keep your limits
14. Don’t take yourself so seriously ; no one else does
15. Don’t waste your precious energy on gossip
16. Dream more while you are awake
17. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need..
18. Forget issues of the past. Don’t remind your partner with his/her mistakes of the past.
That will ruin your present happiness.
19. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone. Don’t hate others.
20. Make peace with your past so it won’t spoil the present
21. No one is in charge of your happiness except you
22. Realize that life is a school and you are here to learn.
Problems are simply part of the curriculum that appear and fade away
like algebra class but the lessons you learn will last a lifetime.
23. Smile and laugh more
24. You don’t have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.

Community:
25. Call your family often
26. Each day give something good to others
27. Forgive everyone for everything
28. Spend time with people over the age of 70 & under the age of 6
29. Try to make at least three people smile each day
30. What other people think of you is none of your business
31. Your job won’t take care of you when you are sick. Your family and friends will. Stay in touch.

Life:
32. Do the right things
33. Get rid of anything that isn’t useful, beautiful or joyful
34. GOD heals everything
35. However good or bad a situation is, it will change
36. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up
37. The best is yet to come
38. When you awake alive in the morning, thank GOD for it
39. Your Inner most is always happy. So, be happy.

Last but not the least :
40. Have fun today and tell as many as you can to do the same.

God loves and cares for us!

HAPPY XMAS AND A HAPPY NEW YEAR in ADVANCE….

Heavy Weights
Imagine for a moment that you are watching a game of ‘throw and catch’ between a grown man and a four year old and the object they are throwing happens to be a bag of cement. For the grown man, catching the bag of cement will be possible because he can handle the weight of the bag. However, for the four year old, it will be a different story because he cannot handle the weight of the bag of cement. If the four year old in his naivety tries to catch the bag of cement, he is most likely to get injured in the process.

Relating this to thoughts, ideas and the mind, the adult player is the person with a strong developed mind while the four year old is the person with a weak undeveloped mind and the bag of cement represents ideas. Grand ideas are everywhere. The only reason why they appear to be in short supply is because weak minds cannot retain grand ideas/thoughts. When great ideas breeze into the thoughts of people with weak undeveloped minds, it flows right through because they don’t have the capacity to retain such thoughts for their lives. This is a reason why people settle for less than they should.

The Creator of the universe is liberal with great ideas and He longs to drop them in our minds. However, as long as we remain weak in our minds big ideas will always appear weak and great thoughts will be alien to us. So how can you make a weak mind become a strong one – able to retain great thoughts and ideas? The answer is in lifting heavy weights.

Weight Lifting is designed to increases the body mass, the muscle size, and ultimately, the physical strength of a person. Likewise, weight lifting done to the mind will increase the strength of the mind. When I say weight lifting, I am referring to the quality of materials you lift into your mind.

If It Must Be, It Must Be Read!

It has been said that two things determine the difference between a person today and five years from now – the people he meets and the books he reads. Don’t let anyone deceive you: edifying books have power! One person I have come to respect and admire in my life is John C. Maxwell. I have read a number of his books and one thing I have come to observe is how often he quotes other authors. He can hardly write two pages in his books without quoting something from a book he read sometime or something he heard someone say. If you are looking for someone with a blessed mind, John C. Maxwell certainly fits the bill on every count!

In his book, The 21 Success Secrets of Self-Made Millionaires, Brian Tracy made a comment about the power of learning continually as it relates to having an edge over your peers. This made me realize a fundamental truth about being preferred in any field of endeavor: having a mind that has been developed makes you retain big thoughts; big thoughts birth big ideas; big ideas make you a big shot, and being a big shot makes you a person to be sought after. This is evident when organizations want to hire new hands. I have observed that the hiring process is categorized into two. One category is when there is a notice put out by the hiring company for interested and qualified applicant to submit CV’s and application letter. The other category is when the organization does what is called ‘strategic employment.’ This kind of employment is done when the company has targeted a particular individual from another company to fill the position they have an opening in. Most of the time this kind of hiring is done when the organization intends to move to another level hence they seek and individual who has what it takes to take them to that level. This individual is the preferred person and he will never have to pick up his pen to write an application letter. Why? You are right! He is a big shot! I am sure you can relate with this analogy and even mention some of these big shots yourself. One common trait they all have is that they are all passionate about books.

It is my prayer that you get sick and tired of being counted as one of the many that make up the numbers, wallowing in the class of the majority. If your mind is weak and undeveloped, this is where you stand but changing that is just a decision away – change your attitude to books and you will see how easily your worth can increase simply by reading a few books.

Now on to Brian Tracy’s comment:

“There are three keys to lifelong learning. The first key is to read in your field for at least 30 to 60 minutes each day. Reading is to the mind as exercise is to the body. Reading for an hour each day will translate into about a book per week. One book per week will translate into 50 books per year. 50 books per year will translate into 500 books over the next ten years…” this part alone made me see just how powerful our minds can get having been exposed to over 500 books in a short time of 10 years! A man having this kind of exposed mind will definitely become preferred above his peers because, continuing with Brain Tracy’s comment, “…the average adult reads less than one book per year. When you begin reading one hour per day, one book per week, this alone will give you an INCREDIBLE edge in your field. You WILL become one of the smartest, most competent, and HIGHEST PAID people in your profession by simply reading one hour a days.”

The Pain of a Nation

I was at the National Youth Service Corps camp in Umudi, Imo state last year to fellowship with Corpers under the Winners’ Corpers Fellowship where I had served as President of the fellowship during my service year. When giving my address, I asked that those who had finished reading a motivational or self-development book since they graduated to put up their hands. Less than 2% of a class of about 60 graduates put up their hands. These were the people who would take our nation to the next level. It pained my heart and I say this not to spite them but to share with you how mediocrity is thriving among the youths of the nation.

It is common place in Nigeria to believe that who you know will get you to the top. Connections and networking with people does have its advantages, if it is for the right reasons and not corrupt reasons, but even if who you know gets you to the top, at the end of the day, it is what you know that will keep you at the top!

The attitude of the average Nigerian to reading is nothing short of upsetting. The number of books authored by Nigerian that have made the Best-seller list is very few. It is not that these books are not good or well written rather it’s that the numbers of people needed to make it a best seller are not interested in the book! Hence the majority non-reading population misses out on the goldmines hidden in such books.

Highest paid people are not paid as such because they execute small, mediocre ideas. On the contrary, they are paid as such because they execute excellent ideas; excellent ideas stemming from great thoughts; great thoughts stemming from developed minds; developed minds stemming from exposure to mind-building books.

In concluding this chapter, I bring to your notice these truths that will remain as long as the earth remains:

•

Consider that one of these folks has to serve in a public office or a position to influence people and they still have this kind of mentality, what kind of influence will they have on the people they are leading, other than setting precedents for rivalry, division and contention, because they have no understanding of personal differences and how to manage inter-personal relationships.

Think of the man who says, “I love my wife and I beat her up any time she goes wrong because I love her, if I don’t do that she’ll no get how important so things are” what kind of love is this? I believe love without respect is ‘no-love’; this kind of man tends to see the woman beneath him and considers what “of what good is she than take care of the home and the children” hence when he meets other women folk in more organized environments he either has problem with them based on basis of ‘why they should be working in such environment’, and others tend ‘to compare their wives to the women they meet at work, hence they are never satisfied with what the woman does at home’.

Other men would consider listening to a woman as a sign of weakness, or giving thoughts and attention to her opinions a sign of weakness; others consider ‘that fear in my wife and kids is the beginning of respect. Some women consider that of what good is being sincere to him, when I can’t be sure that he is even sincere to me – with no platform on which to base her assumption; others think since I can’t trust the men folk, based on personal experiences or stories of hurt, rape or molestation, what’s the point getting married, I rather stay single adopt a child and live my life fighting against the ills of male chauvinism and dominance in the society. The question is what example is she setting, she’s not been able to manage a family, how can she really understand what women who are in families face, to know how to help them? The list of things to be considered in this issue is endless.

In my opinion, there is no utopia in marriage, no absolutes, because we are wired in different manners, what one person can accommodate might just be what another person will tolerate, hence they can’t be subjected to same circumstances and expected to yield same results. But based on the everlasting truth, the union of man and woman should be blissful, peaceful and productive with the main mandate for dominion and fruitfulness. This is not achieved by wishing or dreaming it, to fulfill the purpose of marriage and realize the power of the family, we must be willing to pay the price.

“Be fruitful, and multiply, and replenish the earth and subdue it…” is man’s mandate on earth and the creator saw that man needed a help-mate to accomplish these tasks; hence he gave him the woman – to compliments his efforts not to complete them. This was the first known marriage union. The concept of the help-mate in my opinion is a person who reasons with the partner on better ways to achieve their goals, and provides the required assistance in the pursuit of these goals, as we understand two are better than one. Many times men folks around see the woman as being beneath them, hence the avenues to share thoughts and ideas are eliminated. I must say a home without the voice of the woman is a home on its way to disaster.


Along the line in the history of human existence, man had to be the one to take the responsibility of choosing who to marry and deciding how his home will be run. A man must go out and search for the woman who he loves, would love and respect as long as they live, no one is entitled to making this decision for him, and he must structure the patterns in his house, no one is also entitled to doing this for him; and when he’s found the woman his heart desires, they are to pattern their family according by their ideas not by public opinion. In the society today, this is not so as these responsibilities now belong to the parents and members of the partners’ families, the church or social circles; many men don’t consider their choices good enough, or their folks don’t trust their choices, so the best is make this choice for them. Because of the fear of the future, many couples refuse to operate on their ideals when it comes to issue of the family, they prefer to operate on what people think and what people say, hence they build the home on a faulty foundation, selling the individuality of the kids that should come to that home to the opinions of the people. This I submit, the home that is run by the people cannot lead the people.

The unique story of the service of this family as I read through their history baffled me, as I wondered if Ted Kennedy didn’t realize the danger that he was going to be putting himself running for Presidency in a country where his brothers – serving in high government offices – were assassinated. To him, I believe the dream for a better America was greater than any of his fears; no man just wakes up with such conviction, at least not everybody comes to the realization of such compelling truth before living this world.

Their unique story is not unconnected to the decisions of the father – Joseph Kennedy Sr., he decided to train all his kids to be leaders, this was with a lot of support from his wife; they decided to bring their kids up to understand service to their people, putting a burning desire in each of them to make a mark on the sand of time. Your background has a lot to do with you future, if it is great then check the background, only few people have such unconnected backgrounds and their stories are unique for their decisions to break off status-qua.

This is the original intent of the family – dominion and fruitfulness; since I gained the consciousness of what marriage and family is, every time I get the opportunity to discuss with intending couples, I try to extract from our discussion the platform on which they intend to build their new family; in many cases they don’t have such compelling reason to want to be together, asides, I thought it was high time I got married and our parts crossed and she thought so to, then we decided to come forth with it, our families loved the idea, so here we are. To them as long as the needs of the family can be dealt with, food is on the table, and the family is comfortable, they are satisfied. Too bad, while the hundreds around them seem not to be able to get a footing in life, they just consider what’s best for themselves; this is why we are where we are as a nation – a state of distress and confusion, mismanagement giving rise to poverty and stunted growth and development in our economy, the result of good men deciding to do nothing.

This trend has been passed from the older generation down, a fear to do the extra, that make our ordinary efforts, extra-ordinary; many say accomplishing extra-ordinary feats in career or public service is function of money, others say it’s education, well Sonya Carson – mother of Curtis and Ben Carson, didn’t have any of the two, but she trained her sons to greatness; what’s the personal worth of the President of the United States or what’s his background like? All we know is that his mother put long lasting life principles into him and his siblings, and on this platform they chose their careers and excelled in their chosen path.

Many times when we talk about the development in our nation in comparison with other nation, we are tempted to dismiss it, by saying the conditions are different, but we are quick to forget that the information we have at our disposal today is so much that all we need is just the will to make a difference, and the result of this move for change is geometrical. This will not start with just one man, that’s why I write, speak and share my thought, some others do what they can do in their capacities and we all working towards the same goal we live to celebrate a better Nigeria.

The family platform starts on the basis of marriage, since I gained consciousness of my existence, the was thing yet very rampant I have experienced in life is family crisis, there are two ways people deal with this problem, so because they consider themselves Christian, and because it is accepted that once married forever married “till death do us part” they choose to endure the marriages with the numerous crisis, others choose to separate and possibly remarry. A number of times if the new marriage is built on the same platform as the first, the end result are pretty same. The reasons we experience such is not farfetched, the ideologies of many people about family issues is just too primitive.

In this discussion, I am not unaware of the adverse conditions of life that we might face in our different quarters, I am very aware of the possible adversities in life, they are not illusive to me and I will not stand here to say that at one time or the other I did not stand face to face with adversity, or I’m not prepared to face trying situations in the future, I consider these life circumstances and acknowledge them, but much important to me is the truth about conception, the sperm that fertilized the egg that yield the baby “you” faced adversity, because it was one of the million that came out, it was just fortunate, I guess by the virtue of hard work to it out ran its opponents to ensure that it is the man with the prize.

To me this is the story of life, we are bound to face challenging situation, we are bound to face trails, but the strength of our character is seen in our willingness to struggle instead of settle for fate, to fight instead of cringe, to make a mark instead of settling for mediocrity. This is what makes the difference.

Therefore, it beats my imagination to see men who are full men wait till they are told that it’s time to start a family before they begin to consider the prospects, I’m not saying they don’t have girlfriends or the likes, they do but settling down is not just one thing that comes to their head. The thoughts of the imminent reality of raise a family is clear to them but the purpose for which a family is raised seems to elude these folks, and the just live with the mentality that they’ll reproduce kids, train the kids to be like them or better than them, then die one day; And unfortunately, these men are the same people that must get married to some women, women who just believe that as long as he is rich, doesn’t bite his nails, handsome, talks well without bad breathe, he’s the man.

When such people hook up, you can only imagine what happens in their homes, when all the spark of superficiality is gone and the wealth doesn’t really speak much to the inner craving for companionship, when the spirituality of the Christian doesn’t make much difference in times of differences, and the beauty fade, sometimes the children delay; you’ll see the true colors of these folks, you’ll witness the result of a faulty foundation and the extent to which things can deteriorate is unimaginable.

In raising a family, compatibility of the partners is very important, I’m so aware of the concepts of arranged marriages, but in this age and time whether one is faced with that reality or not it is important to understand that the selection of a right partner is what makes your future what you hoped for. When the wrong choice is made at this point, the result is catastrophic, unless a conscious decision from the partners to work things out despite the differences, this is not same with enduring a marriage – this is taking conscious steps to understand the purpose of the family and learn what it takes to build one.

If the family must put a mark on the sand of time, the partners that make up the family must first be willing to make the mark on the sand of time as individuals, as my girlfriend will say, “I don’t subscribe with the idea that we are coming together to ‘complete’ each other, instead I believe we come together to ‘complement’ each other.” After analyzing the statics and dynamics of this statement, I subscribed to this idea too, because it’s one truth that will make a lot of difference in your approach to life. In the next part, I’ll talk more on this and the reasons why the partners in a family relationship are the most important parties in the union. Till then go make the world a better place, in the ways you can.

LONGMAN Dictionary of Contemporary English (LDCE) defines the family as “a closely related group – a group of people who are related to each other, especially a mother, a father and their children.” In elementary school, we were taught that “the family is the smallest unit in the society, consisting of father, mother and children related by blood” – what an innocent definition, not introducing little ones to the idea of divorce and remarriage, concepts that disproves the latter part of the definition.

Institution as defined in the LDCE is “an important system of organization that has existed for a long time.” This is true of the family; it is one of the world’s longest standing institutions in the world. Institutions provide an organized system of doing things in the society. My assumptions are if the family got the purpose of its establishment, other institutions in the society like the Presidency, Judiciary, State Executives, Local Councils, Legislatures at all levels, Social and Corporate services with get their bearings on doing what they do to benefit the people they serve and not the few members of these institutions and many more.

The foundation on which a family is built is marriage, the Holy Scriptures say, “If the foundation be destroyed, what can the righteous do?” and often times it’s been said that when the purpose of a thing is not known, abuse is inevitable. Hence, if the foundation on which the family is built is faulty, the ultimate result is frustration and lack of joy and fulfillment. This is why many times individuals can’t live up to expectation and fail in their quest for greatness because of lack of proper training and sometime abuse they suffer on the family platform.

In the series on the purpose and power of the family, I will discuss the foundation, the building and the commissioning of the family as it relates to nation building. The excellence of any nation lies in the content of the character of its people. The character which is largely a function of the upbringing and training of the people; as a Nigerian, the kind of character that makes for nation building is not common. This is not unconnected to the misunderstanding of the purpose and power of the family.

Since the beginning of a family is coming together of a man and a woman, to build a successful family the man and the woman must connect in so many ways, not minding personal ideologies that they have kept all their lives based on their backgrounds.

The concept of this coming together of the man and the woman to start the family has been a great mystery to me since I gained the consciousness of such union; I’ll share some of the thought that ran through my mind over the years.

In most of the situations I can remember, many marriages started with the man considering himself wealthy enough to still remain single or too old to remain single, so he has to get married, then he works towards getting married; other times the lady considers herself too old hence works so hard to get herself fixed up, even if it has to be in a polygamous setting. These situations led me to belief that to a good number of people, marriage is a necessity or a way to procreate, without the thought of the original purpose of the union.

The original intent of the family summed up in two words would be dominion and fruitfulness, the family was to provide leadership at various levels, starting from the home the father is to provide exemplary leadership that guides his family in the right path for growth and development. In the event of expansion, the role of corporate leadership would eventually fall on the members of various families and they will be responsible for providing guidance and leadership for the general public. The members of these families that should take up the offices of public leadership would be expected to be worthy members of their society, people considered to be worthy leaders of their homes.

As I studied history to understand the patterns obtainable in the times of our forefathers I understood the foregoing was one of the factors for the growth and the development of small empires, empires which later developed into large kingdoms and a committee of provinces under the leadership of a central government. Hence, I learnt that all through history, the family has been a very important unit of the society.

Though marriage then would have not been considered as purposefully as it is meant to be considered, but the study of history tells that the wives of many great leaders were very involved in the success stories of these leaders. Hence, it won’t be wrong to say the person we get married to have a lot to do with how far we get in life, as I have heard a number of times behind a successful man, there is always a woman.

To this end I want to make a submission, for the original intent of the family to be realized, the man and the woman who come together to start a family must understand the original intent for the family. This is now my question what is the path to getting this understanding? Another question is what would be the danger of going into a union without this understanding?

In the next part of this series, I will be sharing thoughts on the foundation of this great institution – the family and the dangers of a faulty foundation. Till then, keep making the difference in the ways you can, because the little difference you make today will go a long way to keep the fire of change burning in the hearts of people around. Let your dream for change keep burning, because dreams never die, the live on as long as there is hope.

I have glorified You on the earth. I have finished the work which You have given Me to do.
(John 17:4, NKJV, emphasis mine)

Then two chapters later while on the cross just before He died, He said:
“…It is finished!” And bowing His head, He gave up His spirit.
(John 19:30, NKJV, emphasis mine)
In the first scripture, Jesus said He had finished the work God gave Him to do and in the second scripture, to prove that He had indeed finished the work, He did not give up His spirit until He openly declared to every one that indeed, it was finished.
What was finished? His work was finished – His ministry was finished; for him to finish His ministry, it means He had done all that God wanted Him to do and that included a ministry to you.
Throughout His earthy ministry, Jesus was in touch with women. Right from the very first public act of His ministry to the last day, on which He died on the cross, He was in touch with women.
The first act in His public ministry was to turn water to wine at a wedding. In many cultures, it is not uncommon to hear the wedding referred to as the bride’s day. We can then safely say that Jesus’ very first act in public ministry was to provide the best wine at a woman’s event. Just think about it: Jesus started out by making a woman’s day! Her greatest day in fact! I wonder how that woman would have felt if she knew what Jesus had done for her and her husband on their wedding day– what a gift!
If she knew, I wonder how she would have felt seeing Jesus on the cross the day he died. I hear her saying something like this Man made my day on my wedding day. I see the warm tears running slowly down her cheeks as she yearns just to kiss His feet and look into His blood-covered eyes to tell Him thank you for the wine the other day.
Also, on the day He died, He ministered to another woman – this time, His mother. Standing looking on with the most inconsolable pain at her son bleeding on the cross was Mary. Can you imagine the pain of seeing your son die for something He didn’t do? Can you imagine the agony of gradually seeing life leave the body of your son as the blood flowed freely from His thorn-pierced head, his nail-pierced hands and feet, his spear-pierced side, and his scourged back?
This is what Mary had to go through the day Jesus died. But Jesus, with the little strength He had left ministered comfort to her with the kind of love that words cannot fully quantify:
Now there stood by the cross of Jesus His mother, and His mother’s sister, Mary the wife of Clopas, and Mary Magdalene. When Jesus therefore saw His mother, and the disciple whom He loved standing by, He said to His mother, “Woman, behold your son!” Then He said to the disciple, “Behold your mother!” And from that hour that disciple took her to his own home.
(John 19:25-27, NKJV)
Mary’s cry on that day is the pain of a woman grieving over the loss of her child. It is also the pain of a woman unable to have one. But Jesus, showing the greatest measure of selfless love, not only comforted her over the loss of a child but in the same breath gave her a child. He relegated His own pain to soothe the pain of this woman – what manner of love and value He placed on his mother – and women as a whole.
I draw great strength from the scripture above and I rejoice that He did not say “Mary, behold your son,” but rather said “Woman, behold your son.” By this I believe Jesus was prophetically speaking to every woman these words of love, and great comfort.
He was speaking to you. He was speaking healing to your pain. He was speaking strength to your weakness. He was speaking refilling to you from your past that made you empty. He was speaking a child to your aching womb. He was speaking worth to your worthlessness. He was speaking joy to your sadness. He was speaking sight to your blindness. He was speaking yes to the entire no’s in you life. He was speaking purity to your filth. He was speaking life to all the dead things in your life – your marriage, your children, your finances, your career, your academics, your future, and all that concerns you. Jesus was speaking to you.
When there was happiness all around at the wedding, He was there. When there was grieving all around at the cross, He was there and without a doubt, He was everywhere in-between! So it doesn’t matter where you are right now; woman, Jesus has got a word for you today and I hear Him declaring to you that you are free to be the woman within.
Do you still need convincing that you are part of His ministry? Let us look together at the lives of some of the women He ministered to in His three and a half years of earthly ministry.
The woman with the issue of blood as recorded in the Gospel according to Saint Mark:
Now a certain woman had a flow of blood for twelve years, and had suffered many things from many physicians. She had spent all that she had and was no better, but rather grew worse. When she heard about Jesus, she came behind Him in the crowd and touched His garment. For she said, “If only I may touch His clothes, I shall be made well.” Immediately the fountain of her blood was dried up, and she felt in her body that she was healed of the affliction. And Jesus, immediately knowing in Himself that power had gone out of Him, turned around in the crowd and said, “Who touched My clothes?” But His disciples said to Him, “You see the multitude thronging You, and You say, ‘Who touched Me?’” And He looked around to see her who had done this thing. But the woman, fearing and trembling, knowing what had happened to her, came and fell down before Him and told Him the whole truth. And He said to her, “Daughter, your faith has made you well. Go in peace, and be healed of your affliction.”
(Mark 5:25-34, NKJV)
The last verse is the sweetest but let me point out some things about this woman. First, she was referred to as a certain woman. Her name was not mentioned.
Secondly, she had a disease of the blood and according to the ceremonial law that obtained in that time, she was regarded as being unclean (Leviticus 15:19) and not fit to dwell among people.
Thirdly, she had suffered from this issue for twelve years and had lost everything she had trying to get healed but got worse. Her case was pathetic – she had lost her name, she was considered a stigma for twelve long years, she was broke, and on top of it all, her case grew worse.
Has life made you lose your name? Have people made jest of you and called you names that made you cry? Are you broke financially, emotionally or even spiritually? Do you feel like everything is getting worse as the days go by? Have you been suffering longer than this woman? If your answer is yes then listen to me: Today, God will say to you “Daughter, your faith has made you well. Go in peace, and be healed of your affliction.”
All you have to do is have faith in Him like this woman. She believed there was a miracle for her at the hem of His garment with her name written all over it. She believed she was part of His ministry and she got her miracle.
Even though many people pressed on Him so closely that He could hardly move, He felt only her touch because it was special. He felt her touch because she was special. She was so special He called her daughter.
What makes her story even sweeter is that Jesus was on His way to attend to another issue when she got her healing. If she wasn’t on His overall agenda, He would have just passed her by but because she was part of His ministry, she got her healing.
Jesus was on His way to heal someone else but there was a miracle for her even though she didn’t have an appointment! His movement was stalled because of this woman who had faith that she was part of the Messiah’s ministry. Woman, you are worth that much because you are not an afterthought.
The Syrophenician woman is another proof that you are part of His ministry:
And behold, a woman of Canaan came from that region and cried out to Him, saying, “Have mercy on me, O Lord, Son of David! My daughter is severely demon-possessed.” But He answered her not a word. And His disciples came and urged Him, saying, “Send her away, for she cries out after us.” But He answered and said, “I was not sent except to the lost sheep of the house of Israel.” Then she came and worshiped Him, saying, “Lord, help me!” But He answered and said, “It is not good to take the children’s bread and throw it to the little dogs.” And she said, “Yes, Lord, yet even the little dogs eat the crumbs which fall from their masters’ table.” Then Jesus answered and said to her, “O woman, great is your faith! Let it be to you as you desire.” And her daughter was healed from that very hour.
(Matt 15:22-28, NKJV)
This woman was a gentile – an outcast. She was called a dog. Before you jump to conclusions about Jesus calling this woman a dog, read how the Albert Barnes’ New Testament Commentary explains verses 26 and 27 of the above verse: Our Saviour did not intend to justify or sanction the use of such terms, or calling names. He meant to try her faith. As if he had said, “You are a Gentile. I am a Jew. The Jews call themselves children of God. You they vilify, and abuse, calling you a dog. Are you willing to receive of a Jew, then, a favour? Are you willing to submit to these appellations, to receive a favour of one of that nation, and to acknowledge your dependence on a people that so despise you?” It was a trial of her faith, and not lending his sanction to the propriety of the abusive term. He regarded her with a different feeling.1
This woman passed the trial of faith and Albert Barnes’ New Testament Commentary on verse 27 put her response in a beautiful way: “What you say is true. Let it be that the best food should he given to the children. Let the Jews have the chief benefit of thy ministry. But the dogs, beneath the table, eat the crumbs. So let me be regarded as a dog, a heathen, as unworthy of everything. Yet grant one exertion of that almighty power, displayed so signally among the Jews, and heal the despised daughter of a despised heathen mother.”2
This woman was saying, Jesus, I am not looking for the front seat where you can see me. If you put me in the overflow I wouldn’t mind. In fact Jesus, if you put me in the overflow of the overflow it still wouldn’t make a difference. It doesn’t matter where You put me, I know You will reach me because I am part of your ministry!
That was faith speaking right there. She didn’t accept the term dog that she was labelled. She knew how valuable she was to Jesus and she got her miracle. God is willing to send that long awaited miracle your way today if only you come to believe and know that you are part of His ministry.
Again I say that you were not an afterthought to be included in Jesus’ ministry after His mission had been specified. You were at the very core of His mission briefing. Woman, you are worth that much to Him.

Let me apply this to make it easier understood. Siad is a great friend of mine and was in a great relationship for which I introduced the two principals. But after a while I sensed a growing tension in the relationship and later discovered that the lady was already having longer conversation with her Ex. This became of great concern to me and I asked my friend what was the health of their relationship, and he said they were cool but her reactions have been growing cold. Later I found out that my friend was so purpose driven that all he spoke to her about was purposes, plans, and the future decisions they would take. He always wanted to know what her dreams where and how she would work towards them and how he could help her. Sweet ain’t it? But my friend was planting the wrong seeds in the right soil. Yeah she was appreciative of his concerns, but that doesn’t bring out anything from her. She was the kind of woman that didn’t want to over formality ion her relationship, but the informal approach where things were sorted on the basis of friendship. The short story is that he lost her to the other guy, who knew how to provoke the right responses from her. My friend is a wonderful guy, and I had to tell him this way back in 2002 and he got the message. Happily married now, he still gets the message from that time and we joking say to each other: “are you cultivating her?”

A good cultivator must know what kind of soil the woman is and know what exactly to plant there. Some have planted money and reaped a female mammon, while others have planted friendship and reaped an Angel. It is always your choice what you plant, but be sure to make an informed decision what will give you a bountiful harvest from the woman. Women are God’s gift to this world and can be anything you want to be, you just have to be well trained in the art of cultivation. It starts with being able to see the woman beyond her façade and know what she truly carried. Then target her real worth and help her bring forth the loaded virtues she is blessed with. Then she will love you and give you the very best of her and make you drink from the deepest part of her well.

To wrap this, I will humbly submit that everything I have said here is what I practice. God forbid that I say the things I have not seen, tasted, or handled. For I will be a thief and a robber, declaring the things I haven’t been authorized to say. A caveat to my musings is that though these rules are universal, every man’s path is different and you must still find your secret place where your inner conversations and deliberations about these matters are resolved. But I daresay that for any man to engage a woman, there are rules of engagement, and I certainly hope I have added one more device in your toolbox as you explore this wonderful life God has given you. So young man, be clean and pure at all time, let truth be your friend and let your head always lack no oil.

However, the law of equation simple advances the simple principle that whatever in on the outside should equal what is on the inside. If your outer expression spells big things and a touché tang, then it is your place to ensure that the inside is imbued with an equal administration of the beauty. There is nothing as upsetting as a handsome man, with all the bling-bling yet with a barrel like amplitude. With an earring on your ear, better be sure that there’s a hearing to your heart. With a chain on your neck, better be sure that there’s no drain on your head. When flashy men have no substance, then they do not qualify to engage a woman. Women may be attracted by the outer displays, but they are engaged and sustained by the inner replays. This is why my mum told me a long time ago to have some substance on my inside, and that even if I looked like a Gorilla, I will still be attractive to the opposite sex. So guys, make the equation balanced as a rule to engagement.

Dr. Gary Chapman does a great job of breaking down what he calls the five love languages. These languages are Words of Affirmation, Quality Time, Receiving Gifts, Acts of Service, and Physical Touch. It is speculated that all humans understands one of these languages more and respond to a mix of others in varying degrees. Therefore, the next rule of engagement is to understand what the language of love is and to know which the woman responds better to. A while ago some guy told me the only language all women respond to is Physical Touch. While that may hold some truth to it, it is not entirely true as some prefer more that you listen to them or that you spend time with them. Quality time is really a proof of love. One way I know that two people love each other is that they can sit down together and say nothing to themselves for hours, yet stand up feeling fulfilled. No matter what the language of the woman is, you must fully learn how to speak it before you can engage her, for she is like an unending story of varying scenes provoked by the skill and creativity and imagination of the story teller. Some men are stingy with words, while some are stingy with their time or resources. Stinginess is the same as losing your speech in a communication of love. If you can’t give of your resources, it means that you cannot speak the language of giving and so on. The rule is: find her language and learn to speak and perfect it.

To read the final part of this article, click here.