I’ll never claim any mastery in this subject, because I’m not a psychologist. I’m just naturally inquisitive; I want to know, I seek understanding in all possible ways, and with an analytical mind. I’m tempted to always analyze life, circumstances and issues that border on our existence as humans and how we relate with our environment. This has brought me into considering, asking questions and seeking to know what there is to know about guys and ladies, to understand how ladies see guys and how guys see ladies. These views are not absolute because there is more to the world of guys and ladies than meets the eye. As opposed to surveys, books, information from experts in fields that study human behavior – I understand as a result of thinking and deep insights, so I write. I am absolutely open to debate, but do not forget the facts stated in the main body of the text, because they’ll make for a better society, because the foundation of our society is the family.
I understand from the writings in the Preacher that, “There be three things which are too wonderful for me, yea, four which I know not: …and the way of a man with a maiden.” The way of a man with a maiden, deep! Though wonderful, the wise man cannot figure it out; he still finds it difficult to comprehend the totality of the concept – “the way of a man with a maiden”. The feeling is not strange, it’s normal; it is a mystery. The concept of love between two different individuals could just be too bizarre, to think of demystifying it or explaining it. But it happens and one thing leads to another and the two find themselves joined for life! Interesting.
From relating with both guys and ladies over the years, I’ve come the understanding that there’s a very big gulf between the thinking patterns of a guy and that of a lady. Their likes and dislikes never match, but still something happens and they start liking each other, then interest sets in, then it goes on and on from there. Can someone please explain how this happens or what the secret behind this phenomenon is? How two individuals with varying lifestyles just come to love themselves and this love grows so strong that it seems like a blood connection, even before marriage? “The way of a man with a maiden!”
Let us go through some of the major differences between these characters; a guy in most cases would want to have things laid out in black and white, while the lady would prefer that they run around straight point in a circle. The lady, being more emotional and caring would ordinarily think; “Love is the best thing for my guy and as long as I love him everything will be okay, even when I speak my mind to him in a manner he considers to be disrespectful (it might not actually be disrespectful, but just a touch to his ego), he will just understand that I want us to be able to speak freely to each other”. The guy would really prefer that she gave him more respect than the love she offers. He thinks; “Love, it’s okay. I don’t want her to stop loving me but if she respects my ‘personality’ more than she’s doing right now, she’ll be doing the best thing.” A survey carried out by Shaunti Feldhahn shows that most men equate love to respect, so when there is no respect, it is possible that he infers that there is no love.
For ladies, they most time would want a shoulder to lean on and ears to listen to all their concerns but in the guy’s mind he’s always asking “Can I be the guy for this lady, can I give her the best that she deserves?” (He has got this pervasive sense of inadequacy that he feel constantly and continuously), even when his expression, words and actions never suggest anything like that. He looks confident on the outside but inside he just seeks new ways to be a better guy, because he constantly feels he is possibly not doing enough.
This is one thing that I also tried to deal with a number of times in my own relationship. Ladies want the listening ear in guys, but because the guy is logical, he seeks to proffer solutions to everything that seems like a challenge. He quickly jumps in to suggest a solution as she pours her heart out to him on an issue that seems in most cases to have an easy solution. She expects her man to hear her version of the story, believe it and just express concern or love at the end of it. However, most times she doesn’t get that. Instead, she gets the ‘solution guy’ and this most times will piss the lady off. Even though she might not say it, it is registered in her mind and later, she might not bring up issues of the mind that she just wants someone to hear her out on.
For guys, sectioning their mind and thoughts such as to put a quarrel or disagreement to one part of their minds awaiting the right time for it to be discussed and still being able to relate with people and go through their daily activities without giving a hint of distress to people around could be an easy task. This could be quite difficult for ladies, their relationships takes as much place as work takes in their mind and thoughts.
If we don’t get to understand these differences, a relationship might just be a difficult thing to consider, because the differences play out each day in your partner without asking for his/her permission. Ego in a man or what we see as malice in a woman, don’t ask for permission before surfacing in relationships.
The truth is that ego and pride in a man do not mean he is not capable of loving a woman with all his heart or that he is selfish and only looks out for himself, NO! Also, the fact that a woman decides to starve her man because he hurt her feelings doesn’t mean she has stopped loving him, NO! I think, that’s just a part of them (both the guy and the lady) crying out for recognition. The woman is saying, “stop being the boss for once, be a darling. If you won’t, I know how I can boss you around if you don’t listen to me. You won’t like that but you leave me with no other choice”. The man is saying, “Woman, I demand respect. Give it to me or else…”
You know, I was surprised to find out that ladies might never be totally convinced of the love of any man if he doesn’t constantly say and show it? As a guy, I just can’t imagine that for life I’ll have to constantly reassure my lady that I’m still in love with her, not difficult at all but I can’t but wonder why she can’t just make up her mind on believing once for all that I love her. Let it be settled in her and let life go on. But that can’t just happen, because that’s not who she is. Ladies also would be wondering what it with guys that they can’t just know how to treat ladies and how to…..a lot of things, I guess.
Until we come to acknowledge these differences either as a guy or a lady, we won’t be able fully experience the joy in relationships and in the union of marriage. It is necessary for us to take time to study and speak to our partners and understand and appreciate their differences and learn to speak respectably to one another even when we are not happy. This way, relationships will last long (this is just one way, absolutely not all you’ve got to do), bringing life, hope and light to all around.
As a guy, I can say that there is a lot behind that smiling face of the next guy you meet and the same goes for ladies. If you’re going to take that bold step of starting a relationship, be ready for surprises and for fun. It won’t always turn out to be what you have always fantasized, but it will be so much fun if you give your heart to learning and understanding the unique nature of the different genders. Even from the good book, we understand that men are expected “to love his wife as Christ loved the Church” and for the woman, it says, “Submit to the husband”. This shows an understanding of the difference between the man and the woman, that the tendencies for man to find it difficult to love and be faithful to one woman is there, and for the woman to fully understand the concept of dependency or respect for a man is equally existent. Hence the instruction that orders our steps into fruitful and fun filled relationships.
Today, some folks may say “I’m not yet married” and this is truth! But it won’t be long before this will apply to you. So building yourself to meet the responsibilities that will come when you get there shouldn’t be a big task. By learning to appreciate and respect the relationship you share with that guy or lady, you might be forever glued to that person. Peace, love y’all!
Guys and Ladies
Posted by davidluiz in Relationships and Family
I understand from the writings in the Preacher that, “There be three things which are too wonderful for me, yea, four which I know not: …and the way of a man with a maiden.” The way of a man with a maiden, deep! Though wonderful, the wise man cannot figure it out; he still finds it difficult to comprehend the totality of the concept – “the way of a man with a maiden”. The feeling is not strange, it’s normal; it is a mystery. The concept of love between two different individuals could just be too bizarre, to think of demystifying it or explaining it. But it happens and one thing leads to another and the two find themselves joined for life! Interesting.
From relating with both guys and ladies over the years, I’ve come the understanding that there’s a very big gulf between the thinking patterns of a guy and that of a lady. Their likes and dislikes never match, but still something happens and they start liking each other, then interest sets in, then it goes on and on from there. Can someone please explain how this happens or what the secret behind this phenomenon is? How two individuals with varying lifestyles just come to love themselves and this love grows so strong that it seems like a blood connection, even before marriage? “The way of a man with a maiden!”
Let us go through some of the major differences between these characters; a guy in most cases would want to have things laid out in black and white, while the lady would prefer that they run around straight point in a circle. The lady, being more emotional and caring would ordinarily think; “Love is the best thing for my guy and as long as I love him everything will be okay, even when I speak my mind to him in a manner he considers to be disrespectful (it might not actually be disrespectful, but just a touch to his ego), he will just understand that I want us to be able to speak freely to each other”. The guy would really prefer that she gave him more respect than the love she offers. He thinks; “Love, it’s okay. I don’t want her to stop loving me but if she respects my ‘personality’ more than she’s doing right now, she’ll be doing the best thing.” A survey carried out by Shaunti Feldhahn shows that most men equate love to respect, so when there is no respect, it is possible that he infers that there is no love.
For ladies, they most time would want a shoulder to lean on and ears to listen to all their concerns but in the guy’s mind he’s always asking “Can I be the guy for this lady, can I give her the best that she deserves?” (He has got this pervasive sense of inadequacy that he feel constantly and continuously), even when his expression, words and actions never suggest anything like that. He looks confident on the outside but inside he just seeks new ways to be a better guy, because he constantly feels he is possibly not doing enough.
This is one thing that I also tried to deal with a number of times in my own relationship. Ladies want the listening ear in guys, but because the guy is logical, he seeks to proffer solutions to everything that seems like a challenge. He quickly jumps in to suggest a solution as she pours her heart out to him on an issue that seems in most cases to have an easy solution. She expects her man to hear her version of the story, believe it and just express concern or love at the end of it. However, most times she doesn’t get that. Instead, she gets the ‘solution guy’ and this most times will piss the lady off. Even though she might not say it, it is registered in her mind and later, she might not bring up issues of the mind that she just wants someone to hear her out on.
For guys, sectioning their mind and thoughts such as to put a quarrel or disagreement to one part of their minds awaiting the right time for it to be discussed and still being able to relate with people and go through their daily activities without giving a hint of distress to people around could be an easy task. This could be quite difficult for ladies, their relationships takes as much place as work takes in their mind and thoughts.
If we don’t get to understand these differences, a relationship might just be a difficult thing to consider, because the differences play out each day in your partner without asking for his/her permission. Ego in a man or what we see as malice in a woman, don’t ask for permission before surfacing in relationships.
The truth is that ego and pride in a man do not mean he is not capable of loving a woman with all his heart or that he is selfish and only looks out for himself, NO! Also, the fact that a woman decides to starve her man because he hurt her feelings doesn’t mean she has stopped loving him, NO! I think, that’s just a part of them (both the guy and the lady) crying out for recognition. The woman is saying, “stop being the boss for once, be a darling. If you won’t, I know how I can boss you around if you don’t listen to me. You won’t like that but you leave me with no other choice”. The man is saying, “Woman, I demand respect. Give it to me or else…”
You know, I was surprised to find out that ladies might never be totally convinced of the love of any man if he doesn’t constantly say and show it? As a guy, I just can’t imagine that for life I’ll have to constantly reassure my lady that I’m still in love with her, not difficult at all but I can’t but wonder why she can’t just make up her mind on believing once for all that I love her. Let it be settled in her and let life go on. But that can’t just happen, because that’s not who she is. Ladies also would be wondering what it with guys that they can’t just know how to treat ladies and how to…..a lot of things, I guess.
Until we come to acknowledge these differences either as a guy or a lady, we won’t be able fully experience the joy in relationships and in the union of marriage. It is necessary for us to take time to study and speak to our partners and understand and appreciate their differences and learn to speak respectably to one another even when we are not happy. This way, relationships will last long (this is just one way, absolutely not all you’ve got to do), bringing life, hope and light to all around.
As a guy, I can say that there is a lot behind that smiling face of the next guy you meet and the same goes for ladies. If you’re going to take that bold step of starting a relationship, be ready for surprises and for fun. It won’t always turn out to be what you have always fantasized, but it will be so much fun if you give your heart to learning and understanding the unique nature of the different genders. Even from the good book, we understand that men are expected “to love his wife as Christ loved the Church” and for the woman, it says, “Submit to the husband”. This shows an understanding of the difference between the man and the woman, that the tendencies for man to find it difficult to love and be faithful to one woman is there, and for the woman to fully understand the concept of dependency or respect for a man is equally existent. Hence the instruction that orders our steps into fruitful and fun filled relationships.
Today, some folks may say “I’m not yet married” and this is truth! But it won’t be long before this will apply to you. So building yourself to meet the responsibilities that will come when you get there shouldn’t be a big task. By learning to appreciate and respect the relationship you share with that guy or lady, you might be forever glued to that person. Peace, love y’all!