As a child did you grow up in a house where your father mistreated your mother, called her names and beat her up? Or did you perhaps have a drunken father who beat you and your mum and always complained about all of you? A father who never blessed you but always found reasons to condemn you because he felt you were not good enough or smart enough? Or parents that wanted nothing but perfection from you? Or is your case one of parental separation?
The list my friends, is endless. There are many ways some parents bring their children up, only to have them become nuisances or menaces in the society. Some children take after their parent’s negativity and use it as an avenue to inflict pain on their own families and the people involved in their lives because there is this ‘messed up’ mentality that it’s the way things ought to be.
I know how hard it is to be married and the challenges and the stigmas placed on such a status by our society today. I know that there are times when parents have problems, but they should always put in some form of effort to deal with their issues with love and consideration. No marriage is perfect! Most children still live with the pain caused by parents who should have loved them more than anyone else in the world. Such a pain takes a while to go away. But the underlying cause behind all of these reasons is selfishness. Selfishness robs those around such individuals from being the most important part of his or her life. Those who allow their own personal wants and desires to supersede the basic needs of their spouse and children are opening the floodgates of sadness to everyone.
I begin to wonder when I think about what God originally intended for children. How did God intend for parents to treat their children? What seeds does he expect parent’s to sow in the life of a child? Should they be seeds of hate and discord or seeds of over-aggressive behaviour? Should they be seeds of abuse in the name of correction or seeds of chauvinism and egocentric behaviours?
The list is equally endless. How many parents take the time out each day to show an act of unconditional love for their children?
WHAT IS A DYSFUNCTIONAL FAMILY?
Family dysfunction can be referred to as any condition that interferes with healthy family functioning. Most families have some periods of time when functioning is impaired by stressful circumstances (alcohol, battery, poverty, a parent’s serious illness, etc.). Healthy families tend to return to normal functioning after the crisis passes. In dysfunctional families, however, problems tend to be chronic and children do not consistently get their needs met. Negative patterns of parental behavior tend to be dominant in their children’s lives.
In healthy families, emotional expression are allowed and accepted. Family members can freely ask for and give attention. Rules tend to be made explicit and remain consistent, but with some flexibility to adapt to individual needs and particular situations. Healthy families allow for individuality; each member is encouraged to pursue his or her own interests, and boundaries between individuals are honored.
Finally, in healthy families everyone makes mistakes; mistakes are allowed. Perfection is unattainable, unrealistic, and potentially dull and sterile.
Our society is filled with so much negligence by parents who think they are doing everything right. Some parents are actually destroying their children instead of building them up. But I am glad to say that despite all these forms of dysfunctions, certain children have still managed to grow up and be better parents than their parents were before them. Some made a vow to be far better than what they saw in their homes.
In Nigeria today, the present generation is learning how to be proper parents to their children and not strangers. They are taking out time to be involved positively in the lives of their children no matter what it takes. Probably after witnessing some level of dysfunctions in their own homes while growing up, they decided to break away from that vicious circle of backwardness and create new legacies.
SOME CAUSES OF DYSFUNCTIONALITY IN HOMES
Ignorance
Poverty
Unfaithfulness and lack of trust
Substance and alcohol abuse
Deficient Parents
Controlling Parents
Incest
Rape
physical beatings
Emotional manipulation
Insulting language
Total neglect
SOME IMPLICATIONS OF DYSFUNCTIONALITY IN HOMES
Inferiority complex
Depression
Suicide
This is in no way meant to insult our parents regarding how we were brought up, but to pose a question to those of us that look forward to having a home in the near future to really look deep within us and ask ourselves how we want our homes to turn out. Examine yourself to see if there is any suppressed character that has the tendency of rearing its ugly head when you start your own family. Seek help to fight for the greater good.
FACING REALITY
To be healed of a dysfunctional background, the adult-child must face the following realities:
1. I need healing. The effects of a dysfunctional family should not be denied. We will not grow out of them. Time will not heal them. These effects will not disappear, although they may be expressed in new and subtle ways unless God intervenes.
2. I cannot heal myself. Even individual prayers may not bring total healing, if the Lord gives us the opportunity to receive healing from others. We need other members of Christ’s body (1 Corinthians 12:21).
3. Jesus will certainly heal me, if I let Him have His way. Jesus, and only Jesus, can do the impossible and heal us of even the most extreme abuse.
We are a new generation of people. The only way to move forward is to let go of the past by forgiving the sins of our parents and reaching out for the things the future has to offer us. Let us help each other so that we can develop our world. No child deserves to be the victim of your revenge simply because you came from a dysfunctional home. Rather, show the world through your children that indeed there is hope for change and greatness if only we look will look ahead.
Children From Dysfunctional Homes
Posted by davidluiz in Relationships and Family
As a child did you grow up in a house where your father mistreated your mother, called her names and beat her up? Or did you perhaps have a drunken father who beat you and your mum and always complained about all of you? A father who never blessed you but always found reasons to condemn you because he felt you were not good enough or smart enough? Or parents that wanted nothing but perfection from you? Or is your case one of parental separation?
The list my friends, is endless. There are many ways some parents bring their children up, only to have them become nuisances or menaces in the society. Some children take after their parent’s negativity and use it as an avenue to inflict pain on their own families and the people involved in their lives because there is this ‘messed up’ mentality that it’s the way things ought to be.
I know how hard it is to be married and the challenges and the stigmas placed on such a status by our society today. I know that there are times when parents have problems, but they should always put in some form of effort to deal with their issues with love and consideration. No marriage is perfect! Most children still live with the pain caused by parents who should have loved them more than anyone else in the world. Such a pain takes a while to go away. But the underlying cause behind all of these reasons is selfishness. Selfishness robs those around such individuals from being the most important part of his or her life. Those who allow their own personal wants and desires to supersede the basic needs of their spouse and children are opening the floodgates of sadness to everyone.
I begin to wonder when I think about what God originally intended for children. How did God intend for parents to treat their children? What seeds does he expect parent’s to sow in the life of a child? Should they be seeds of hate and discord or seeds of over-aggressive behaviour? Should they be seeds of abuse in the name of correction or seeds of chauvinism and egocentric behaviours?
The list is equally endless. How many parents take the time out each day to show an act of unconditional love for their children?
WHAT IS A DYSFUNCTIONAL FAMILY?
Family dysfunction can be referred to as any condition that interferes with healthy family functioning. Most families have some periods of time when functioning is impaired by stressful circumstances (alcohol, battery, poverty, a parent’s serious illness, etc.). Healthy families tend to return to normal functioning after the crisis passes. In dysfunctional families, however, problems tend to be chronic and children do not consistently get their needs met. Negative patterns of parental behavior tend to be dominant in their children’s lives.
In healthy families, emotional expression are allowed and accepted. Family members can freely ask for and give attention. Rules tend to be made explicit and remain consistent, but with some flexibility to adapt to individual needs and particular situations. Healthy families allow for individuality; each member is encouraged to pursue his or her own interests, and boundaries between individuals are honored.
Finally, in healthy families everyone makes mistakes; mistakes are allowed. Perfection is unattainable, unrealistic, and potentially dull and sterile.
Our society is filled with so much negligence by parents who think they are doing everything right. Some parents are actually destroying their children instead of building them up. But I am glad to say that despite all these forms of dysfunctions, certain children have still managed to grow up and be better parents than their parents were before them. Some made a vow to be far better than what they saw in their homes.
In Nigeria today, the present generation is learning how to be proper parents to their children and not strangers. They are taking out time to be involved positively in the lives of their children no matter what it takes. Probably after witnessing some level of dysfunctions in their own homes while growing up, they decided to break away from that vicious circle of backwardness and create new legacies.
SOME CAUSES OF DYSFUNCTIONALITY IN HOMES
SOME IMPLICATIONS OF DYSFUNCTIONALITY IN HOMES
This is in no way meant to insult our parents regarding how we were brought up, but to pose a question to those of us that look forward to having a home in the near future to really look deep within us and ask ourselves how we want our homes to turn out. Examine yourself to see if there is any suppressed character that has the tendency of rearing its ugly head when you start your own family. Seek help to fight for the greater good.
FACING REALITY
To be healed of a dysfunctional background, the adult-child must face the following realities:
1. I need healing. The effects of a dysfunctional family should not be denied. We will not grow out of them. Time will not heal them. These effects will not disappear, although they may be expressed in new and subtle ways unless God intervenes.
2. I cannot heal myself. Even individual prayers may not bring total healing, if the Lord gives us the opportunity to receive healing from others. We need other members of Christ’s body (1 Corinthians 12:21).
3. Jesus will certainly heal me, if I let Him have His way. Jesus, and only Jesus, can do the impossible and heal us of even the most extreme abuse.
We are a new generation of people. The only way to move forward is to let go of the past by forgiving the sins of our parents and reaching out for the things the future has to offer us. Let us help each other so that we can develop our world. No child deserves to be the victim of your revenge simply because you came from a dysfunctional home. Rather, show the world through your children that indeed there is hope for change and greatness if only we look will look ahead.